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"My Thoughts"

The Problem With Porn and Love

When our feelings are more about not being alone or when we turn to others to feel okay about ourselves - in the beginning sex too easily

provides the illusion of love by creating a feeling of closeness -- but it almost never lasts - because it can't!

 If you want to sustain sexual passion then a strong emotional connection called love is a requirement.

This is emotional reality and not a moral judgment.

This is why porn becomes boring over a short period of time - because there is no emotional passion - no genuine connection

- there's no real boy/girl dynamic in play.

When sex is used to provide identity or to gain security and confidence then it has become merely a vehicle to reduce personal anxiety - and not a source of genuine, lasting passion! 

                     Anxiety and Slow Calm
  • Your mind works to protect itself from the psychic "pain" that has created your anxiety to begin with - and goes into survival mode.

  • So your mind tries to keep pushing the original reasons for the anxiety off into the corner -  you still feel the anxiety but you're not so focused on those "painful" thoughts or feelings.

  • The Solution?  To identify, understand and emotionally process those thoughts and feelings behind the anxiety - to a more calm state. It takes time but it's a process that works.

 Do Ghosts Exist? 

 Some folks dismiss the idea that Casper and friends might exist and yet there are some fascinating ghost stories to be told.

 But other types of ghosts live in the back of our minds and we rarely see them except when we feel criticized, misunderstood, not heard or when we just generally question our own feelings or judgment.

 These ghosts come from our past and instead of haunting bedrooms and attics, they haunt our thoughts and feelings Their oxygen is when we struggle with confidence or when we anticipate abandonment or criticism - or especially when we our partner is unhappy.

That's when they get strong and undermine our ability to be at peace with ourselves - which I see as both a spiritual and a psychological goal for all of us.

  • Separating yourself from the negative emotional messages from the past that has created negative, self-critical feelings about yourself - is key.

  • Because most uncertainty about ourselves is driven by the anticipation of criticism or rejection - from the past.

  • A realistic perspective on yourself - and having a reason to get out of bed in the morning helps us focus on what really matters and what's best for ourselves.

  • Why is that important? Because the criticisms and negative energy from the past has never been based on the reality of who you are.

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